Dear Adele, It’s Not Your Fault

Yesterday I watched Adele cry her eyes out while she informed fans that her tour was cancelled. It got teared up as she apologized over and over again trying to explain her situation. Shipping delays, Covid cases, shut downs, and more. She held herself personally responsible for ruining the plans of her fans and it was obvious that she was hurting.

But it’s not her fault.

This month alone I have had to cancel four major events. There was the wellness retreat hosting 50 women, a TEDx talk with hundreds of people, a free library presentation, and an important women’s meeting. In addition, things I was signed up for were cancelled, postponed, or moved to virtual. My kids aren’t even in school right now.

Every time I had to cancel I felt a deep rooted sickness in the pit of my stomach. I felt like I failed or that I did something wrong. I told people to come to something, to rearrange their plans, to spend their very valuable time with me, just to have to cancel.

But it wasn’t my fault.

This Covid thing has gotten confusing. I have lost touch with how to quarantine, when to get tested, how to stay the safest without losing my sanity. It’s been years and we are living on the edge waiting for the next shut down, cancellation, crisis situation where we have no way to work and care for our kids.

Meanwhile, I’ve had to cancel my events where I was going to talk to people about how to cope with stress and explain that even though drinking has become our main “go to” coping skill-it’s making things worse, it’s making us sick, it’s ruining our mental health which is already so freaking fragile.

But I must wait. I’ll tell people next month or the one after that while carrying the worry and load of not knowing when things will resume back to a “normal” that clearly no longer exists.

So to Adele-it’s not your fault.

You don’t need to apologize. We get it. We’re all right there with you. To the mom who’s kid is sick again and she has to call into work-don’t feel like you’re failing. It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this. To the person who accidentally gave a loved one Covid-you didn’t mean to. It’s not your fault. This is not something that you caused. To the presenter who couldn’t quite figure out the zoom call-you tried. You did your best. This is not ideal and it’s not your fault. To the teacher who feels completely burnout-you have every right to feel that way. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. To the decision makers who have to cancel all the shit-I hate this for you. I know from personal experience how agonizing it is, but it’s not your fault.

We’re doing the best we can and that is good. Not just good enough but good. Keep doing the best you can whatever that looks like for you. It might mean laying in bed and ignoring the kids and laundry. Maybe it’s going to a public space even though you feel worried that you might get sick. Or, it’s visiting a loved one because our time here is limited and after two years maybe the priorities have changed. It could even be hoping that Covid doesn't end so that you never have to go back to the places that you always hated going in the first place. Whatever it is, it’s your best. And remember, It’s NOT your fault.