Some Advice on Writing (and sobriety)
“If you want to be a writer but don’t know how or when. Find a quiet place use a humble pen.” Paul Simon
I woke up on Monday morning and wrote in my journal that I was done writing about sobriety. I figured what more do I have to say? I’ve explained, taught, shared, led, and talked until I felt like it had all been said. Within minutes of closing my journal some interesting things happened. A few people reached out to me to ask me about quitting drinking, I was informed of a drunken incident that occurred to someone close to me, and someone messaged me thanking me for my book.
Yesterday, I was doing a podcast with The Phoenix (out soon) and I couldn’t help but feel incredible gratitude that I have had the opportunity to write and share in such a beautiful and encouraging space. A complete turnaround from where I was on Monday.
For me, writing and sobriety go hand in hand.
If I never stopped drinking I wouldn’t know that writing is a skill and a hobby of mine. I wouldn’t know that I can get that same hit of dopamine when I complete an epic sentence as I did when I took that first sip of booze. I wouldn’t be able to process through so many complex and difficult emotions. And honestly, I would be lonely. Writing about sobriety has led me to make new friends.
But, writing-just like sobriety-gets boring sometimes. It can feel complacent, underwhelming, and less exciting. There are times I would rather watch trashy tv, read fiction, and eat junk food than work on a piece of writing about sobriety. I’m learning that it’s not linear. Just because I wrote a couple of good things doesn’t mean that every single time I show up to write it’s going to be amazing. Just like every single day that I don’t drink no one throws me a party of congratulations.
People ask me all the time how I learned to write. The truth is I didn’t.
With the constant distraction from the internet there are one million opinions on “the right way” to become a (insert anything here). You could spend years researching ways to write and never write a single thing. I do have the answer to the burning question-How Do I Become a Writer? You have to do this one very simple thing. Write. That’s it! The key to success, the secret sauce, the mind blowing epiphany. You must write words in a notebook, a word doc, a journal, a blog, or on the back of a napkin.
(By the way, it’s the same thing with the answer to how do I quit drinking-you stop drinking alcohol).
The programs, the communities, the long lasting sustainable practices that you will put in place to keep going will all fall into place. But there is no amount of figuring out how to be a writer if you’re not actually writing. And if you plan to share your writing with people, it should feel a little bit scary. It won’t be comfortable because nothing new and exciting ever is. I’ve yet to reach a point where I publish something for public consumption and think to myself-this is the most amazing thing! People are going to love it. Never. Not once. Instead, I publish it and walk away feeling resolved for having expressed myself or feel more calm because I used a coping skill.
What’s the alternative? Is it walking around telling stories in my head of made up outcomes? Is it not ever being seen and staying comfortable hidden? Is it not ever knowing the satisfaction of completing something that I worked really hard at?
Same thing with sobriety. Is it doing the same thing every damn time hoping for a different outcome, better circumstances, and that it will finally all click even though it hasn’t that last 100 times I drank? Is it risking not knowing the beauty that can only come from discomfort and pain because being numb is safer?
The most beautiful thing about this day and age is that we have access to information.
The worst thing about this day and age is that we have access to information. Sometimes, access to ALL of the information can leave us in a place of analysis paralysis. It can make us believe that if we are “researching” change that we are actually changing. It can devastate our ability to do the very simple thing because it gets complicated, we want to do it right, we want to just read one more article, or get just one more opinion on what is the best approach.
When it comes to writing, I’m with Mr. Simon, get out of your own way. Sit down with your pen and let it flow. The words will show you the way. As for me, it seems I do have more to say about sobriety. I just have to show up to the page to find out what it is.
My latest writing is in this beautiful book of essays…Spoiler Alert-it’s not about sobriety.
