My Husband Stopped Drinking and Here’s What He’s Got To Say About It….
For the last (almost) 4 years I’ve walked around my house spouting off facts about alcohol and our bodies. I talk about how it increases stress, causes cancer, numbs out good feelings, gives me a headache, and more. I wasn’t sharing these facts hoping that my husband would one day decide that he no longer wanted to drink. In fact, at first I was relieved that he still drank so that our friends didn’t think we had joined a cult and they could no longer partake in drinking around us.
I mostly shared because every time I read an article or saw a new study I was so dumbfounded and angry about the facts of alcohol being minimized in the mainstream world. It would be impossible to roll my eyes any bigger every time I heard about a mom drinking to reduce stress or about a “clean wine company” that has somehow convinced everyone that drinking ethanol is good for your health. It’s just something i’m passionate about and while at home, I share my passions openly.
But one day, I noticed that my husband wasn’t drinking as much. I opened up the fridge and in replacement of heavy IPA’s and the latest microbrews there were Heiniken 0.0 and a few other alcohol free craft beers. When I asked him about it he said that he was just “trying new things.” I didn’t push him because I never wanted him to think that I wanted him to join me on this AF life………..but I couldn’t help but get a little bit excited.
Over the next few weeks I noticed that he was getting up earlier in the mornings, free to hang out well into the evenings, and overall looking really good. His cheeks lost their puff and that swollen area around his ribcage was now flat and sexy. When I mentioned this he brushed it off and said he’d been working really hard at training.
Instead of asking questions, I decided to just point out all of the awesome things about being sober.
“Isn’t it so great that you aren’t waiting for anything anymore?” or
“Isn’t it amazing how much more fun you can have now that you are no longer being ruled by the chemicals?” I pointed out one day.
Before long, Drew was the one pointing out all the great things about being alcohol free. He started noticing some major changes and I was dying to get his thoughts. So, I asked him a few things and I am so exicted to share them!
Tell us about your previous drinking habits?
Well to be honest with you it depends. I’ve gone through peaks and valleys during the last 20 years depending on what was going on. When I was training for a running or biking event I didn’t drink much. But sometimes I was an aggressive social drinker?!? Although if I’m honest with you, it seems like during parts of my life I felt like I was going for the “Drinking Hall of Fame”. I was never just a one drink kinda guy so I either drank or I didn’t. When I drank I liked to lean into one.
So, how long has it been since you last drank and how are you feeling?
It’s been 3–4 months. I only say that it’s not a specific day as I didn’t drink for a while but then had a few beers in early-May. I was on the fence going into that as to whether I wanted to keep drinking or not but after I didn’t have a great experience it was an easy decision to not drink. I was on the fence going into it as I was feeling so good…and after the first beer made me feel like shit I’m feeling stoked to not drink. So, my experience wasn’t that I got super fucked up and stopped drinking. I just decided not to drink…..
Do you have a long term plan?
Yea, I’d really like to start a blog about being sober and probably write a book about it. Just kidding. I don’t have any plans on drinking again.
How do you feel about the words sober?
I’m stoked on it. I’m loud and proud about not drinking. Drinking was a lot of things to me and was something I did for “fun” as a kid. Like a lot of things in my life, I’m super proud to not be doing the same thing I was doing 20 years ago for “fun” now. I mean, at one point I inhaled helium from balloons at a friends bar mitzvah at the age of 14 but realized pretty quickly that wasn’t the best choice. I’m also a vegetarian and have been for 20+ years. Much like being a vegetarian, I don’t really or solely label myself as sober and find my identity in that. If someone else wants to talk about not drinking I’d be stoked to chat but if someone wants to eat meat or drink alcohol that’s fine with me too. I’d be happier to talk about riding bikes, listening to hip-hop, or investing in real estate.
Have you had any cravings and what have you used to replace that?
I wouldn’t say cravings but for the first month I was really hungry all the time and craved sugar. I could have eaten two dinners an hour apart and still been hungry. That helped me realize the number of calories I had probably been taking in. A month or so ago, I started drinking NA beers. They are pretty good and I’ve been working my way through them. I used to think I loved the taste of beer but after one or two NA’s I can’t imagine drinking another. This made me realize it was the alcohol that had really gotten a hold of me. But, like anything that you are used to and comfortable with, change Is hard. Just like leaving a bad relationship, switching jobs, or other changes in life it’s hard to switch it up but you end up super glad you did.
Do you see what I’ve been talking about?
I do give you a lot of credit although I think my message about not drinking is different. It’s that just because you can drink doesn’t mean you have to. When I went to college I was given a meal card and shortly afterwards realized that I could get a pizza, bag of Doritos, and mountain dew twice a day for my meals. After a few weeks I gained the freshman 15. I feel about drinking in the same way….just because you can drink doesn’t mean you have to. It’s just not worth trading that 10 min of “perceived fun” for feeling like shit. I could eat cheesecake for breakfast everyday but that doesn’t make sense either.
I give you ALL the credit for helping me realize I was being lied to about drinking. And that’s the part I’m pissed about. I always have taken pride in figuring out when I’m being duped by big business and consumerism. I’ve been tricked that drinking will help me relax, be more social, sophisticated, more prophetic, worldly, help me celebrate, help me deal with difficulty, and just be a part of my life but that’s bullshit. It’s a drug and one that, for some reason, I had to justify to myself not to use.
That being said, I’m super proud of how you’ve helped so many people with your message about living a sober lifestyle. You’re basically the most famous person that lives on our street!
What are your mornings like and how has your day to day routine changed?
My mornings are similar but there is no “edge”. Not drinking makes it super easy to get going in the mornings, feel more relaxed throughout the day, be patient with my kids and family, deal with life stresses, and have more fun. Everything is really more fun and easier at this point. I really notice all of the things throughout the day and take them in instead of waiting until drinking to enjoy the day.
What do you want others to know about this? Especially those in endurance athletics?
I learned a big lesson here when it came to drinking. I thought that because I did a 4 hour bike ride or ate clean I could make progress towards my mediocre amateur endurance athletic pursuits. But, now I understand that it’s more about what you consume than what you aren’t consuming. Even if you eat low fat, organic, low carb, vegan, or whole food diet….if you’re drinking alcohol it’s hard to make improvements or move forward physically or mentally in life.
Has this impacted your creativity/motivation regarding regarding work or other interests?
THIS is the part I could talk about for days. When I was drinking I was just getting through it. I mean, I was doing cool things and constantly trying to personally move forward, but there was a cost. At this point EVERYTHING is easier and my bandwidth for stuff has really increased. Drinking and all the things that go into it and come out of it are a huge time suck. Sobriety has created space, and I’m stoked on that.
I am so pumped for Drew and really for anyone who has gotten curious to explore something that is no longer working for them. I hope this is the first of many posts to come about sobriety as a couple, parenting sober, and much much more.
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Originally published at https://www.spaliveaf.com on August 25, 2021.
