If You Don’t Get Coronavirus, You’ll Probably Get Anxiety (Especially If You’re Drinking To Cope)
I don’t know who needs to hear this but that tension you’re feeling in your chest is probably anxiety. Over the last 6 months, there have been more downs than ups. All of the stress has been building and building with no real relief in sight. I’ve had many moods, tons of worries, and have been disappointed as I hoped that the tension would lift, at least at some point. I’ve wandered around my house looking for coping skills in everything from the kitchen cabinets, the deep freezer, and distractions galore. I recently read this great article describing why things feel so bad. We’re no longer experiencing short term stress related to an acute crisis. Instead, we’re beginning to experience some real symptoms of anxiety and depression since the reality of the situation doesn’t seem to be alleviating.
In the past, (and something I’m still very much working on) one of my biggest symptoms of anxiety was overachievement and perfectionism. I feel a true, whole body, physical relief when I can cross something off a list, complete a big task, or tackle some kind of big problem with a solution. Nothing gets me out of a funk more than task completion and problem-solving. It’s what I’ve mistakingly used to feel worthy or whole. In the old days, after a night of drinking, I would wake up feeling horrible. The only way to cope was to overcompensate with the completion of something-anything, that would make the anxiety go away. Without tasks, I was without relief.
Last month, I noticed myself feeling completely void of tasks. Sure, there’s plenty to do, but nothing felt important. I tried to cope with all of this by jamming myself full of news. Reading between the lines to see who was right and who was wrong. Forcing my beliefs and thoughts on anyone who would listen. Consuming massive amounts of media. And choking down as much information as possible to try and find some kind of task around all of this or a solution to these problems. Mask wearing, racism, hunger, homelessness, homeschooling-wasn’t there something I could personally fix (preferably within the next 20 minutes. It’s the crossing off, not necessarily the “doing” that brings relief)!?!?!?!
If I were still a drinker, there would be no doubt that a cold bottle in my hand after a long day of agony would seem like the right kind of cure. But, alcohol worsens anxiety. I got to a point where there was no end to the relief I was chasing. Wake up, anxiety, suffer through the day, drink to take the edge off, crappy night’s sleep, wake up a little groggy with a little bit of a hangover, feel worsened anxiety, repeat. To be brief, when the alcohol wears off, your body pumps out more cortisol (stress) as it tries to regulate all of the disruptions the drinking caused (even if it’s just a little bit of alcohol).
Alcohol sales, anxiety, and depression have all been on the rise. Our current stress plus our everyday stress (that was already too much) equals anxiety. The fixer in me wants this to go away fast! I want to list here 25 things that you can do to reduce anxiety today (ask for help, take deep breaths, learn about how your body manages stress, get on a sleep routine, evaluate your diet…..) but I won’t. There are no great fast solutions to solving this problem. Even the experts of all experts have only been living this pandemic for a short time. We haven’t quite gotten good at it yet. That’s all ok.
What I do know, is that pouring alcohol on top of anxiety does not make it go away. I know from experience, it makes things way worse. Lately, I’ve been repeating one of my favorite Pema Chödrön quotes. She writes “We can make ourselves miserable or we can make ourselves strong. The amount of effort is the same.” Often times, I choose to make myself miserable………until I realize it’s not working. Then I opt for strong. These days that means less media consumption, realizing I’m not worthless because I didn’t do 500 things today trying to prove my worth, less push, less force, and more acceptance.
For many of us, we’ve been robbed of our coping skills. Personal connection, service, community, and so many other things we use to release ourselves from the burden of adulthood. This is why anxiety is high. This is why it’s a joke to use the sentence “How are you?” anymore. This is why flu-like symptoms are not the only downfall of Covid-19. You’re not alone.
Originally published at https://www.spaliveaf.com on September 8, 2020.
