I Impulsed Shopped on Black Friday and Now I Have a Buyer’s Remorse Hangover
For the past many years, I have spent black Friday out of town visiting family. Either I’m at my in laws or in my home town with my parents. On occasion, I may have wondered out and shopped some of the local shops or gotten online to check on sale prices of sheets and towels for our Airbnb’s, but other than that, Black Friday shopping just wasn’t my thing.
Actually, the shopping part of Christmas time puts me in a really grumpy mood. Christmas is such a special time. I love twinkly lights, Christmas carols, the Nutcracker, and the smell of pine and cinnamon everywhere. What’s not to like?!?! But somehow, capitalism took over, and made the whole season about shopping. So instead of enjoying the beautiful lights in my neighborhood, I’m doing the mental notes of if I got enough gifts for all the people on my list and stressing about if I need to run back out in the cold and dark to buy more stuff.
As a result, I’ve cut out a lot of shopping. Family is about all that’s left on my shopping list, and I have even cut out buying for many of them. I donate to some charities in names of people and I’ve made a goal that if I’m going to shop-I will buy from mostly women, especially of color, sober is a plus, and as close to home as possible (sprinkled in with some last minute frantic amazon purchases).
This year, things got off track. It started with my daughter having the flu and our holiday plans getting cancelled. Instead of being surrounded by a ton of extended family it was just the four of us. In some ways it was nice and easy. I did laundry, made a few Thanksgiving favorites, and we went around the table and talked about what we were thankful for while wearing our most comfortable clothes. But it was uneventful and I found myself getting bored by the end of the day.
I intended to wake up on Friday morning and buy a yoga mat from a sober mom that I know who runs a small business in Vancouver. I knew shipping was going to cost a ton and so I wanted to get the sale so I could off set the cost. When I opened up my email link there were so many offers that I couldn’t help but get curious.
With nowhere to go, nothing to get dressed for, and a full cup of coffee I ordered my mat and then continued opening email after email to see what other things I could buy. 30% off at this shop, 25% off at that one, some of the sales were from stores that I already shopped from. Others were places I’d never heard of but wanted to “try.” I was seduced by the sale prices-the black slash through the old price with a bright shiny red one that seemed within budget.
At the time it felt so productive, even savvy. I thought to myself “look at me, getting all the deals, and taking care of business before the rush of the holiday season.” At one point, I was staring out the window remembering stores that I used to shop in and trying to come up with people to buy things for. I even bought an extra pair of sunglasses because the deal was so good, and “we always need an extra pair” I told myself.
Hours into the frenzy I finally pulled myself away from my phone and took a shower. As I got dressed and went through the motions of brushing my teeth and getting dressed, that feeling of bliss-the buzzing adrenlanine from the shopping high-had worn off completely leaving me wondering what I had just bought. I realized that I hadn’t really crossed any names off my list because no one really wants that extra pair of sunglasses. I realized I hadn’t even purchased one thing for my kids who are the main people I shop for.
The rest of the day I felt low. Really low. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Was it guilt from looking at my phone for four straight hours? Was it exhaustion from all of that useless thinking? Was it stress? I opened up my email again to go back through my purchases. I wondered if there was something in there that I could gift, return, or was there anything I really needed? The answer was a clear no.
Then it hit me, I had a hangover-a shopping hangover. I was living on the high of getting something new and shiny without a care in the world of what the consequences might be later. I was all consumed by that fleeting feeling of goodness that comes from dopamine. There’s a reason that people call it “retail therapy.” Shopping online can be all the things that drinking once was. Shopping was an escape from the reality that we were alone on the holiday and my daughter was sick. It was task completion-which is one of my favorite anxiety reducers. It was the reward and validation that I was doing something good by “saving money.”
At the end of the day I realized that while it was fun while it lasted, I already know what I need to do for myself to maintain a long lasting feeling of goodness. I need to move my body, get in nature, drink water, connect with actual humans, and stay away from my phone. For me, where there’s a high, there’s usually a low and that’s exactly what happened this Black Friday. We all know the saying, “you can’t buy happiness” and even though I gave it a solid effort, it seems to be the truth.
But, I am pumped to get my new yoga mat.
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