Getting Through The Holidays Without Booze
The more time I spend without alcohol in my life the more peculiar I find it that everything revolves around booze. At Christmas time, for example, why does it feel like there is more talk of spiked egg nog than there is talk of celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ?
It’s not just Christmas of course. Every holiday has a “drink” and a toast and some sort of concoction to make it feel more “special.” It’s as if the holiday just isn’t enough to stand on its own. We try to amp it up with alcohol. But, we’re misunderstood. Alcohol does not amp up anything. In fact, it dims most of our responses and feelings to things. In other words, it numbs us.
I get why people would want to be numb for holidays. Complicated families that can bring up stress, reuniting with “loved” ones that you might not really love, and sharing space with people that have different ideas about everything from political beliefs to favorite dessert can leave us feeling overwhelmed. A little numbing takes the edge off and lets us be in these situations. If we’re numbing, we have that buffer that prevents us from having to set the proper boundaries, speak our minds, or live out as our true authentic selves.
I’m just getting back from a family gathering. It was wonderful to see some family members that I haven’t seen since the beginning of the pandemic. We gathered in celebration of St. Nick which for us means Christmas carols, crafts, food, and drinks. I left there completely sober feeling so full of joy. On the drive home it occurred to me that I did the exact same thing as everyone else did. I talked, snacked, sang, danced, crafted, hugged, and laughed. My night looked exactly the same as almost everyone there. I just did it without the buzz. I had no second thoughts about whether or not I should drink. I had no desire to drink. I had no envy or fomo of others who were drinking.
It wasn’t always this way. Gatherings of this kind used to send me to the bathroom taking in deep breaths and reminding myself to play the tape forward. The one where I would start with one drink and before the end of the night I would be unable to remember anything I said or did or what kind of time I had. I would wake up hungover so badly that I would feel regret and disgust with myself the entire next day. I would feel both sick and embarrassed and I would make promises to never again drink.
- So, that’s my number one. Play the tape forward. Does drinking ever really turn out the way you want it too? If it did, then you’d probably be okay having a drink at the holiday gathering and you wouldn’t be reading this post. You stopped for a reason, remind yourself of that. Seer the images into your head. Feel the feelings of regret that you’ve had. Breathe past what you want right now for what you want. What you want period…..Will a drink really move you forward?
- Rely on a sober friend. When I first stopped drinking I didn’t have many sober friends. I went at it alone with the help of manuals which were really just the written words of women who’d gone before me. I did what they told me to do. I acted as though they were the law and their suggestions would save my life. I read what they did at holiday parties and then I did that. If you have sober friends you can ask them what they do. Ask them how they handle it. It helps so much knowing that you are not the only one who has ever questioned whether or not you should just have one. If you don’t have sober friends go to IG and like one million sober accounts. These people are pure gold and they all have great ideas on how to make it through. Do what they do.
- Plan ahead both physically and mentally. Plan not to drink. If you wait to decide until when you get there you will be easily influenced to drink. If you don’t want to drink then plan not too in your head. Decide that you will go to the function, decide to celebrate how lucky you are that you don’t have to drink, and plan to have fun. Take a few sparkly waters and frozen cranberries or a hot mocha latte and be loud and proud that you’re “good” with what you have at the 3,000 times someone offers you a drink. You’re a badass! Mindset is everything.
- It’s okay to be alone, to leave early, to walk away, and to not partake in the weird whatever that is happening. In other words, you’re not obligated to do anything but take care of yourself. When you decide to stop drinking you must put what you want and your own needs ahead of EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY else. Yes, even above grandma and the kids. The person saving you is YOU. You have to be willing to let people down in order to do what it takes to free yourself. Accept this.
There are a million reasons why alcohol takes center stage this time of year. It’s so ingrained in our traditions that the idea of going without it can seem daunting. But I’ve taken a step back. This is going to be my fourth holiday season without alcohol and I can tell you that it keeps getting better and better. Alcohol appears like it’s important but it’s not. It’s a drug that kills 90,000 people per year and causes harm and destruction to thousands of others. Scientifically, it does not do what it promises like make you more fun or help you cope with stressors. It’s a depressant, anxiety inducing, and the next day it makes you feel sick. It’s just not that festive! You’ve got this!
